6-4-09

A good dose of History Channel and ‘Jeopardy’ are cure for a noisy house

UREKA!
After all of these years. I have finally figured out the ingredients to a long sought after repellent. As soon as I get a pitch man, I am selling it.
Ever since my brother, sister and I were old enough to all want to watch something different on the television at the same time, there has been a constant struggle for viewing time and the remote control... well... control.
Now that I am married and have children of my own, it hasn’t changed.
Allow me to explain.
Nobody wants to watch what I want to watch, ever. My dad will, and sometimes my brother will but if you throw my mom, sister, and definitely my wife in the same room when I am sitting down and choosing the TV show to watch, well, let’s just say there is usually a mutiny at hand.
I had always been the black sheep in the family, until my sister came along. I was the one who got bad grades in school, didn’t like studying and always seemed to be getting sat down to have a “talk” with my dad.
The funny thing is that I was the one always watching National Geographic, Discovery Channel and that loved to watch Public Television.
My dad and I always found a common ground on this topic. No matter what we were up to, we could always find a comfortable spot in the den and get sucked into a show about the hunting and survival tactics of the South African prairie dog or some intriguing show of that sort.
As time has passed me by, probably from watching too much TV, I have come to realize that only the male species seems to get sucked into these types of shows - like a Star Trek tractor beam.
Whenever I flip the channel over from the news to let’s say, the History Channel, I notice that my family lets out a huge unified sigh and they all walk away.
For the longest time, I have tried to get them to understand that watching these shows broadens their horizons, allows them to interact in higher conversation and, most of all, allows them to answer more questions on Jeopardy.
These reasons haven’t moved them to sit on the couch with me.
They don’t like learning, I guess.
The other day I found myself turning on the National Geographic Channel to watch Planet Earth. I was looking forward to seeing this episode on the world’s deepest places. An hour devoted to exploring some of the deepest caves on the planet. How could you not want to see this?
Two minutes into the show, my family was nowhere to be found. Leigh was doing dishes, Nash was doing a wooden puzzle and Ethan had run to his room to draw a picture at his drafting table.
UREKA!
I figured it out. The first female-, child-, and lots of questions-repellent.
I was alone and watching my show. Enjoying it. It was quiet
I did it. I am selling my secret formula for $19.95 and if you act now I will throw in a 6 oz. bottle of my “Can I get you something while you watch your show” spray and a sample of my famous “yes, Daddy, I will take out the trash for you” balm while supplies last.
Try it, you’re sure to be satisfied.
Bryan Pinkey can be found in History Channel bliss or at bpinkey@nccox.com.